Sunday, October 21, 2012

Thoughts in my 'old age'...

So, I turned 30 this week....I'm not really sure what I was expecting, so i'm not really sure if it happened or not!
I did however hear a lot this week about what kind of mom/wife/teacher/daughter/granddaughter/niece etc I am from a lot of different people. I read a blog posted in an unlikely spot that seemed to be taken directly from my brain that I thought others may find interesting as well. The mom writing this has only one child, however the sentiment is still the same...

"I love my son — my wild, irreverent, strong-minded, funny, loving beautiful baby boy more than anything in the world. As challenging and as frustrating as he can be, he is my life’s blood.
love my work. Demanding, creative, fun, exhausting, exhilarating work. As challenging and frustrating as it can be, my work is also my life’s blood.
I would not be a good parent without my work and, conversely, I would not be fulfilled by my work without my son. Finding a guilt-free balance between the two sometimes seems like an impossible task.
I dream of being the ultimate mother and career woman — one who is able to prioritize time with the precision of a skilled surgeon. Look amazing, eat right, stay in shape and zip around on nothing more than a grilled chicken salad and a protein shake…
Add to that cooking endless organic treats for my perfectly dressed, highly intelligent, well-spoken, well-behaved child whilst juggling charity dinners, “parent share” at his school and acting full-time on my showUnforgettable whilst producing two other shows with numerous other projects in the air.
All this with a smile on my face and always on time … I am not that woman!
I have tried (and would like) to portray myself as a cope-with-all-that-is-thrown-at-me, tough, resilient, breast-beating career woman with a soft side. The parent who can come home after a 12-hour work day, bake cookies and come up with super creative art projects. No! That is not me.
And I feel guilty about it every day. I feel guilty that I am not giving my all to my son. I feel guilty that I am not giving my all to my work. And yet, I am. In the best possible way I know how. Why are we parents so critical of ourselves? What is it with the guilt?
There are days when my boy can be a messy, unrelenting, confusing, selfish, button-pushing, rude, demanding little monster … however, that’s not to say that I would not lay my life down for him, or that he doesn’t give me the greatest of joy or make me roar with laughter, ache with love or bulge with pride. That’s just to say that no one is perfect. Not them. Not us.
So how do I balance parenting, work, career, love and life? How do I prioritize in a futile attempt to have it all?
I fly by the seat of my pants … I attempt to prioritize as I go by trusting my instincts and my gut. I rely on my friends and family and try to express my need for support. I try to remember that it’s okay — good, even — to carve out tiny moments just for myself and I try to give myself permission to simplify.
I allow myself the freedom to cut out what I am not good at (cooking, making the beds) and embrace what I am good at (reading stories, snuggling). I remind myself that most of the time I’m doing my best and try to remind myself that quality is more important than quantity — though I am yet to be convinced of this!"
So, in my own words,, I don't keep the house clean or stay up to date on laundry and my "For the house" Pinterest board will not likely ever see any real use, because to be honest, when I come home from what is usually a 10 hour day (with work to bring home BTW) I'd rather sit on the couch with my family and watch a movie that makes us laugh than do any of that. I would have hoped that by 30 I'd have "figured it all out", but I haven't.  I still don't remember things without out incredibly anal lists, I don't particularly see the need for handwritten thank you cards after I've already said thanks in person and I don't save as much money as I should. I do however bake goodies for friends who have had a bad day, look at the store for Hulk halloween costumes just because someone I like said they couldn't find one, and I hope that I can get through a day making someone feel a little bit better.Yes, I do often wish I was better about keeping things picked up or having more nutritious dinners on the table at an earlier hour, but maybe I'll have the next 30 years to figure all of that out. :)

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